Archive
THEATRICAL REVIEW: The Fault in Our Stars
Directed by: Josh Boone
Produced by: Wyck Godfrey, Marty Bowen
Written by: Scott Neustadter, Michael H. Webter (screenplay)
Edited by: Robb Sullivan
Cinematography by: Ben Richardson
Music by: Mike Mogis, Nate Walcott
Starring: Shailene Woodley, Ansel Elgort, Nat Wolff, Laura Dern, Sam Trammell, Willem Dafoe, Lotte Verbeek, Mike Birbiglia
Based on the novel by John Green
Year: 2014
I hadn’t ever heard of the book this movie is based on before a couple months ago when I had a chance encounter with this film’s trailer in the theatre. Filled with lovely platitudes, cutesy dialogue, attractive teenagers going through extraordinary circumstances guaranteed to wrench away tears from your eyes – in this case, a girl who has been suffering the effects of her cancer diagnosis years prior and yet falling in love with the perfect guy who loves her just the way she is – The Fault in Our Stars looked exactly like the seemingly endless adaptations of Nicholas Sparks dreck Hollywood seems to like to churn out and that audiences eat up. I poked fun at it, made fun of the lead character’s name (Hazel Grace), the ridiculous predictability of the love story, the very punchable-looking romantic boyfriend character, the very casting of Shailene Woodley (who hasn’t ever been bad, but is a bankable big star among teenage girls)… It looked, quite frankly, like exploitative shit, and I wasn’t going to have any of it. And then the reviews came out. Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars: The Clone Wars
Directed by: Dave Filoni
Produced by: George Lucas, Catherine Winder
Written by: Henry Gilroy, Steven Melching, Scott Murphy
Edited by: Jason Tucker
Animation directed by: Kevin Jong, Jesse Yeh
Music by: Kevin Kiner, John Williams (theme)
Starring: Matt Lanter, James Arnold Taylor, Ashley Eckstein, Tom Kane, Dee Bradley Baker, Christopher Lee, Samuel L. Jackson, Nika Futterman, Anthony Daniels, Ian Abercrombie, Catherine Taber, Corey Burton, David Acord, Kevin Michael Richardson, Matthew Wood
Year: 2008
When Star Wars Episode VII comes out, it’s funny to think about how it won’t be the seventh film in the series to debut in theatres. No doubt nitpicky players of trivia games will forever be using Star Wars: The Clone Wars as the answer to the trick question, “What was the name of the seventh feature film in the Star Wars series to be released in theatres?” and arguments will then ensue over whether or not the movie actually counts as being part of the saga. Friendships will be destroyed. Families torn apart. Star Wars: The Old Republic servers will crash with the onslaught of flame wars erupting. Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Directed by: George Lucas
Produced by: Rick McCallum
Written by: George Lucas
Edited by: Roger Barton, Ben Burtt
Cinematography by: David Tattersall
Music by: John Williams
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Frank Oz, Samuel L. Jackson, Mathew Wood, Jimmy Smits, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Silas Carson, Temuera Morrison, Christopher Lee, Peter Mayhew
Year: 2005
My wait in line for this movie, released during the final days of my senior year of high school, will probably remain the longest amount of time and the largest amount of people I will ever experience. The theatre had to move the line outside and let it flow into the parking lot – there were just way too many people to let them stay within the mall without causing some sort of hazard! I’ve seen footage for the releases of the original films, and this was pretty much what I had imagined that would have been like. People were dressed up as characters, waving around their lightsabers ranging in price from plastic extendable sword to one of those incredible swords with the authentic hilts and the blade that lit up from the bottom up and made authentic sounds when moved around and clashed with another which I still really freaking want. And there was a ton of discussion about the lore of the series, both fictional and real. And, most of all, there was excitement for the movie, because, despite the inadequacies of the previous two, everyone was hoping that Episode III was going to be the ironic redemption of the prequel series. Finally, we were going to get to see Anakin’s descent into the Dark Side and the extermination of the Jedi. And we all knew it was going to be awesome because – dun dun duuuuun – this was also the first Star Wars movie to get a PG-13 rating! George Lucas was finally getting serious, everyone! Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Directed by: George Lucas
Produced by: Rick McCallum
Written by: George Lucas, Jonathan Hales
Edited by: Ben Burtt
Cinematography by: David Tattersall
Music by: John Williams
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, Ian McDiarmid, Christopher Lee, Samuel L. Jackson, Temuera Morrison, Frank Oz, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Daniel Logan, Silas Carson, Jack Thompson, Joel Edgerton, Bonnie Piesse, Ahmed Best, Rose Byrne, Jay Laga’aia, Pernilla August, Leeanna Walsman
Year: 2002
At some point in my life, I didn’t really know which one was worse: The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones. On the one hand, you have one of the dullest, most inconsequential films in the series that also has some of the most childish humor, to top it off, but at least it had some killer music and Darth Maul. On the other, you have George Lucas’ depiction of teenage angst within the Jedi Order and some of the most ridiculous romantic interactions between two characters ever scripted, the likes of which will have your eyes rolling out of your head and having your mind blown from thinking about just how that line about sand ever made it through someone’s mind and into the first draft of the script, let alone the final film. It took a lot of thinking, honestly, but after a while, I did eventually settle on The Phantom Menace being the worst of the two, because it not only had a bad script, but also, overall, it had just very little impact of all the films in the saga in the process. Attack of the Clones at least finally set some things in motion that would have bigger consequences later on in the story. Also, you finally get to see both Yoda and Mace Windu in combat, so… that’s gotta count for something? Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Directed by: George Lucas
Produced by: Rick McCallum
Written by: George Lucas
Edited by: Ben Burtt, Paul Martin Smith
Cinematography by: David Tattersall
Music by: John Williams
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, Ahmed Best, Pernilla August, Keira Knightley, Ray Park, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Silas Carson, Hugh Quarshie, Andy Secombe, Lewis MacLeod, Frank Oz, Samuel L. Jackson, Terence Stamp, Brian Blessed, Greg Proops, Scott Capurro
Year: 1999
Oh man, here we go… Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
Directed by: Richard Marquand
Produced by: Howard Kazanjian
Written by: Lawrence Kasdan, George Lucas
Edited by: Sean Barton, Marcia Lucas, Duwayne Dunham
Cinematography by: Alan Hume
Music by: John Williams
Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew, Frank Oz, Ian McDiarmid, Alec Guinness, Sebastian Shaw, Denis Lawson, Kenneth Colley, Warwick Davis, Jeremy Bulloch, Caroline Blakiston
Review based on the 1983 theatrical version
Year: 1983
Back when recording things from TV was the only way to obtain certain movies you didn’t want to actually buy, I recall a friend of the family giving my family their collection of TV-recorded VHS tapes, most of them set to the longest recording time in order to maximize the content they had. One of these tapes contained both the original Karate Kid (save for the first couple minutes) and, yes, Return of the Jedi, making this the first time I ever actually could claim any sort of ownership over any of the Star Wars movies. Naturally, I watched it pretty often, and the mere fact that this was the only one I could watch without having to go seek out any rentals or borrow them from friends made this movie my second favorite (because there’s just no questioning the greatness of The Empire Strikes Back, kids). Now that I do own both trilogies (twice over for the original trilogy, thanks to the 2006 “limited” release of the DVDs which contained the original theatrical versions), however, the flaws of the once-final chapter in the Star Wars saga have really become rather apparent, thanks in large part to the prequels kind of bringing them out retroactively. Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Directed by: Irvin Kershner
Produced by: Gary Kurtz
Written by: Leigh Brackett, Lawrence Kasdan (screenplay), George Lucas (story)
Edited by: Paul Hirsch
Cinematography by: Peter Suschitzsky, BSC
Music by: John Williams
Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Billy Dee Williams, Anthony Daniels, David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew, Frank Oz, Jeremy Bulloch, Jason Wingreen, Alec Guinness, Denis Lawson, Clive Revill
Review based on the 1980 theatrical version
Year: 1980
It’s all downhill from here, folks. Movie number 2, and I’m already at the best of not just the original trilogy, but the entire saga, and it’s honestly doubtful that even the new sequel trilogy will best the work put forth here. George Lucas still had some say in the story of The Empire Strikes Back, but this is the film that people point to when they want to point out how, even back then, less of Lucas was always a good thing, even if what his diminished presence improves upon is his own creation. Heck, even the subsequent retoolings couldn’t diminish the film’s quality – though sometimes they even improved upon it, as with the enhancements to Cloud City’s ambience and the insertion of Ian McDiarmid’s take on the Emperor in that holoconference scene between him and Darth Vader. Let’s just chalk all that up to the fact that The Empire Strikes Back is just too awesome for its radiance to not influence any such reconfiguring. Read more…
REVIEW: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Directed by: George Lucas
Produced by: Gary Kurtz
Written by: George Lucas
Edited by: Paul Hirsch, Marcia Lucas, Richard Chew
Cinematography by: Gilbert Taylor
Music by: John Williams
Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Peter Cushing, Alec Guinness, David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Anthony Daniels, Kenny Baker, Peter Mayhew, Phil Brown, Shelagh Fraser, Denis Lawson, Gerrick Hagon
Review based on the 1977 original theatrical version
Year: 1977
I told myself that I wouldn’t let my reviews of the Star Wars films devolve into insane fandom, and so I will attempt to keep that promise. That being said, let me start you off by letting you in on a secret that not many before now really know about me: A long time ago… I actually absolutely hated sci-fi, fantasy, and everything in between. The object of my particular ire was actually Star Trek, as my friend Tye was actually an insanely fanatical Trekkie, but coming in a close second was, yes, Star Wars. The reasoning? It had the word “star” in it, which obviously meant that it was for nerds, which I did not identify as at the time. (I so was…) Read more…
REVIEW: A Goofy Movie
Directed by: Kevin Lima
Produced by: Dan Rounds
Written by: Jymn Magon, Brian Pimental, Chris Matheson (screenplay), Jymn Magon (story)
Edited by: Gregory Perler
Art Direction by: Larry Leker, Wendell Luebbe
Production Design by: Fred Warter
Music by: Carter Burwell, Don Davis
Starring: Bill Farmer, Jason Marsden, Rob Paulsen, Jim Cummings, Kellie Martin, Pauly Shore, Pat Buttram, Wallace Shawn, Ray Liotta, Jenna von Oÿ, Tevin Campbell, Jo Anne Worley, Joey Lawrence, Frank Welker
Based on the TV series Goof Troop
Year: 1995
Goofy was always one of the most enjoyable characters in Mickey’s group of friends. Anyone who’s seen pretty much any of the “How To” series shorts featuring the clumsy anthropomorphic dog-like creature knows that unquestionable fact. Arguably, he’s second only to Donald – who really stood more on the manic end of the comedy spectrum from Goofy. It’s only fitting that they each got their own domestic family sitcoms – Donald in Quack Pack and Goofy in the earlier Goof Troop, which introduced us to Goofy’s son, Max – while straightman and, honestly, comparatively bland Mickey was stuck playing emcee to all of his own shows. Quack Pack never seemed to resonate with kids from that era, and it didn’t seem to be half as fondly or frequently remembered compared to Goof Troop. (For me, personally, it came a little too late, as its entire one season came out when I lived overseas.) However, Disney seemed to recognize the fondness kids had for Goofy and Max’s domestic lives, so it was only logical that the corporation that would become well known for releasing unnecessary sequels to its classic films over the next decade would capitalize on its success with a theatrical film. Read more…
REVIEW: 3 Ninjas
Directed by: Jon Turteltaub
Produced by: Martha Chang, Shunji Hirano, James King, Jason Ing, Yuriko Matsubara
Written by: Edward Emanuel (screenplay), Kenny Kim (story)
Edited by: David Rennie
Cinematography by: Richard Michalak
Music by: Richard Marvin
Starring: Victor Wong, Michael Treanor, Max Elliott Slade, Chad Power, Rand Kingsley, Alan McRae, Margarita Franco, Patrick Labyorteaux, D.J. Harder, Race Nelson, Kate Sargeant, Joel Swetow, Professor Toru Tanaka, Clifton Powell
Year: 1992
“Hey, you know how The Karate Kid was a huge hit back in the 80s?” said one film exec.
“Yes. That was only a few years ago. Of course I remember,” the other said, caustically.
“What if we did that movie again?” pondered the first.
“We already did three of those, and critics hated the last one. We’re not going to repeat that success again. Let’s move on.”
“Fine, sure, but what if we didn’t call it The Karate Kid? What if we, like, did ninjas? Kids like those turtles that are ninjas. Let’s do that!”
“You know, that’s not a bad idea, but I was thinking we do something along the lines of Home Alone.”
“Say, now! Why not both? We’ll have the kids use their ninja skills to take down burglars!”
“Yes! Exactly! My God, you are brilliant!”
“And you doubted me.” Read more…
The Viewer's Commentary 