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GRUDGE MATCH REVIEW: Fifty Shades of Grey vs. Old Fashioned
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (Unrated)
Directed by: Sam Taylor-Johnson
Produced by: Michael De Luca, Dana Brunetti, E.L. James
Screenplay by: Kelly Marcel
Edited by: Anne V. Coates, Lisa Gunning, Debra Neil-Fisher
Cinematography by: Seamus McGarvey
Music by: Danny Elfman
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eloise Mumford, Jennifer Ehle, Marcia Gay Harden, Victor Rasuk, Luke Grimes, Rita Ora, Max Martini, Callum Keith Rennie, Andrew Airlie, Dylan Neal, Anthony Konechny, Emily Fonda, Rachel Skarsten
Based on the book Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James
Year: 2015
OLD FASHIONED
Directed by: Rik Swartzwelder
Produced by: Nathan Nazario, Dave DeBorde, Nini Hadjis, Rik Swartzwelder
Written by: Rik Swartzwelder
Edited by: Jonathan Olive, Phillips Sherwood, Robin Katz
Cinematography by: David George
Music by: Kazimir Boyle
Starring: Elizabeth Ann Roberts, Rik Swartzwelder, LeJon Woods, Tyler Hollinger, Nini Hadjis, Maryann Nagel, Lindsay Heath, Joseph Bonamico, Dorothy Silver, Ange’le Perez, Anne Marie Nestor
Year: 2015
This review contains spoilers, including the movies’ endings.
Alright, everyone, listen up! Things are about to get ugly in here! I’m going to be fanning the flames of a culture war, and it’s bound to make some people kind of angry!
In one corner, we have the inexplicably popular, smutty to a fault movie adaptation of a book that was itself originally an online Twilight fan fiction, written by someone who didn’t seem to catch on to that franchise’s coded abstinence message: Fifty Shades of Grey! In the other corner, we have that film’s chaste, Christian-targeting, message-laden morality tale counterpart, meant to provide a more wholesome alternative for anyone who proudly proclaims that they’ve kissed dating goodbye: Old Fashioned!
… Okay, I can’t keep up that boxing announcer façade. …
Anyway, I’m reviving a very old (and once-used) feature on this blog that I really didn’t enjoy doing the first time around but recently figured would be kind of interesting to try again. (It’s something I’d been meaning to try for a while, anyway, back when I thought about doing it for the original King Kong and its remakes.) The concept behind this grudge match review works pretty much like you’d expect. There will be a series of rounds in which I compare the two movies to one another, and there will be a winner for each round based on which movie succeeds more in that area. What will make this a bit more interesting, however, is the fact these two films aren’t remakes or adaptations of the same source material, but rather polar opposites! The marketing for Old Fashioned proclaimed “Chivalry makes a comeback,” while the BDSM-themed, sex-and-nudity laden Fifty Shades demanded audiences “Lose Control.” As if its obvious opposition weren’t enough, the films were only released one week apart, with Old Fashioned beating Fifty Shades to the punch in an effort to overtake it and likely to encourage people to not give in to the smut.
I’m of the opinion, however, that too often Christian films try to take on too much of a counterculture stance, to the point where they’re not even willing to study the very thing they’re opposed to or portray it in a fair light. As I’ve pointed out countless times before, I am a Christian, and yet I am more often than not finding myself at odds with the image the Christian pop culture industry and the people who consume it propagate for themselves, and flaunting it in non-Christians’ faces (and even the faces of Christians they disagree with), prideful in their willful ignorance. So, I am trying to do something different and see it from all sides in comparing the two movies. It’s actually kind of funny how they actually have some things in common! To be quite honest, though, I’m also trying to have a bit of fun at their expense, too. I mean… neither one of these movies is really any good, so I’m really not going to take this too seriously. I’m also just here to let you know which one is better than the other, too – or, in this case, which one is the least bad.
Theatrical Review: “The Avengers”
Directed by: Joss Whedon
Produced by: Kevin Feige
Written by: Joss Whedon (screenplay & story), Zak Penn (story)
Music by: Alan Silvestri
Cinematography by: Seamus McGarvey
Starring: Robert Downey, Jr., Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Tom Hiddleston, Clark Gregg, Samuel L. Jackson, Cobie Smulders, Stellan Skarsgård
Year: 2012
I don’t think I need to tell you that you need to go see this movie. If you’re among the several who contributed to this film’s current $641 million intake globally, you’ve likely already seen this film and are, probably, very likely going to go see this again sometime within the next month, if not within the week. While I’ve eagerly awaited the release of The Dark Knight Rises this past month plus, and while I’m fairly certain that it’s easily, very likely going to be among the best of what the superhero genre has to offer, its importance to the genre is fairly minuscule compared to the importance of what Marvel has done with The Avengers. They’ve taken years of development and the creation of five films starring four drastically different heroes and featuring several others and built it up to this one film. And you know what? They absolutely succeeded in this ambitious project of theirs. Bravo, Marvel, you’ve broken box office records!
But you know what? I could go on and on about how revolutionary the film is for you and possibly leave you with that much more knowledge about the inner politics of rights holders and stubborn studios and we’ll all be all the smarter for having taken a closer look, examined the specifics of Hollywood politics, and all that other crap that’s important to know but, good Lord, is usually boring to learn. And I’m not going to do that. You know why? Because when I went to that theatre two days early to buy tickets as soon as they went on sale at my local Harkins, when I went to the theatre about two hours early, by myself like the nutcase that I am, and waited in line in order to grab the good seats for my friends and myself, and when I sat there, watching the trailers and then the movie and then not one but TWO secret endings to the film, and when I left the theatre afterward having seen the film in its entirety, I could only think of one thing: “HOW AWESOME IS THIS!?” Read more…
The Viewer's Commentary 